Atheists only.. What should i do?

I been living in a delusion state for a year. it feels like i have wasted a year of my time being deluded and been fearing hell. This constant fear of hell has lead me to ditch old time buddies, act extremely morally, refrain from ual impulses, praying daily and trying to love thy enemy. I became less a man and more susceptible to being taken advantage because i lost my alpha male thinking. I am angry. I want to get back at the non-existant GOD. or if he does exist, i am angry. Angry for making me fear hell so much angry angry angry. Should i just let go and live my life or get into trouble with christians which i now really enjoy/ reading and viewing atheist matieral became my hobby slowly after time. Now i cant stop watching them, they are fascinating but watching it makes me still wage war with God. I want to live life again but im still angry? What should i do