I come from the ghetto/poverty & drugs?

i've been thru alot of rough & painful experiences all my life. the people i made close relationshps with are of the same background & they were all negative unhealthy experiences. now i'm a grown woman but can't shake the effects its had on me & who i see myself as being. i feel sorry for myself sometimes & like i'm not meant to be successful bcz the people i've been around all my life weren't successful. they've given up & are like "damaged goods". i don't want to be like that. i fight everyday to get thru. i'm tired of fighting. i want to be happy & i want to feel free of this "inner crap" that's within me. i also don't want to hear "don't be ashamed of where you come from, you made it thru & you are strong" - i'm sick of hearing that bcz i AM ashamed & sometimes i don't feel strong or i'm TIRED of being this "strong black woman" who "made it". i'm just having a hard time with what's inside of me and i want to cry but i dont want to cry, i want to feel better. what should i do?